Now Aren't We A Bunch of Masochists?

It's supposed to get easier every day. As they say, one can get used to it little by little. But still, it's confusing how much ambivalence can spring up with this whole situation. If we were truly honest about this whole thing... I don't think there really should be any way of getting used to it. At least, I don't think so. Sure. At certain times it does seem that way -that I've gotten used to it... But then it all comes back. And it hits me every time that the longing just continues to escalate and it really can't become easier. It just seems to get more and more difficult as each day passes. 

It's only been a little over a month. Or maybe I should say that it's already been a little over a month. And yet, everything still seems so fresh... so new... so limited... so unfinished. And I remember that feeling of being hoisted up in the air. And the feelings of conflicting uncertainty and security... of warmth... of happiness... of unselfish worry. It scares me a little to even think of forgetting. And that's just at the peak of the iceberg when fears enter the picture too. But everything... every little thing comes rushing back every time. And it still feels the same. It's been a month, and yet it still feels the same. I still get goosebumps and there's still that empty void that yearns to be filled.

It's supposed to get easier. After all, each day that passes from the last time becomes another day closer to the next. But to be honest, it doesn't... not at all. And I don't think it'll ever get easy. But maybe that's just how it's supposed to be. If it does get easier, then maybe that's not such a good thing. If things become lighter, then maybe all the fears are coming true. Because in my opinion, it'll truly only be easier once we're no longer limited... and things no longer seem unfinished. And all these difficulties aren't such a bad thing because they tell us that things are REAL. And when the day comes, every thing will be much better. 

And so, it's not easy and it doesn't lighten by the minute. But I'm holding on... we're holding on... with the hope that we can remain tough. After all, walls have been torn down and it's the point of no return. We either have to fight for it, or regret the cowardice of not trying at all. And I guess we're really just a couple of fighters and masochists to be stupid enough for this. And one day, once we have surpassed, once everything has been said and done... maybe... just maybe... these voids will no longer be empty, or our time limited, or our business unfinished. As things become more difficult, that's all we can hold on to really. And we have to believe that hope will get us through, because we want to get through. We have to get through.