....

It's starting to hit too close to home now. I don't know how they ever did it, but I knew I grew up undoubtedly LOVED. But that doesn't mean there weren't wounds spared from healing. And I don't know how they did it, but it hurts now more than ever.

I've never spent so much time in my life crying. I think I've spent more time crying myself to sleep and waking up sobbing this past year than I ever have as an infant. This is perhaps what I get for having life so relatively "perfect" back home. I guess no one really gets a free pass at suffering and from learning the real lessons in life. I've proven my point that I've survived, and perhaps, it's high time for a homecoming.

Maybe they were all right after all. Maybe this really was just the "first." And that I really am naive for ever thinking that I was smart enough and knew enough that this could ever work. They all said it. And we've had struggles right from the start. Maybe we should've just given up when life has been shoving it down our throats that it's not meant to be... maybe it's not meant to be. Perhaps we've been pushing our luck... I've been pushing my luck.

And to be honest, I don't even know how I'll get over this. I don't even know what I'll do for the rest of my life. I don't have any more back-up plans because I thought we've envisioned it already. But maybe I should know when to give up when I should. Someone did once say that the hardest thing to learn in life is knowing which bridge to cross and which to burn. It hurts so much to have to admit it, but maybe everything... every little thing has already sparked the flame for us. And now, all that's left to do is run to the opposite ends of that bridge to survive.

It's starting to hit too close to home. I know I grew up loved, but that doesn't mean there were wounds spared from healing. And if history has to repeat itself, then I'd rather it not. And it hurts because I.. you... and it hurts because I don't know how to move forward anymore... But maybe this is just it. I was naive. I am naive for ever believing that certain things can conquer everything else. Maybe "IT" really isn't enough after all.